


you make it real for me

by anothersadsong



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: And angst, F/M, because cassian is so good at it, the happy ending they deserve, with babies!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 13:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18811402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anothersadsong/pseuds/anothersadsong
Summary: happy (belated) may the fourth to ohstardustgirl! i am your backup gifter, and here is your gift for the prompt ‘starting a family’. i’m sorry if it’s not great, but i did only have a week to work. stay tuned, i may remix this to expand the idea, which is absolutely one of my favorites.





	you make it real for me

The hints came out in bits and pieces. 

A faint smile offered to a group of laughing children on some sun-dappled, mostly peaceful planet they’d been tasked to scout as a possible location for a new base. Unsuitable, Cassian had relayed, the risk for civilian casualties was too high. 

A whispered admittance as they laid together in a too-small bunk, arms and legs hopelessly tangled together, that Jyn had always wanted to have a sibling or two, that despite her vivid imagination and cadre of homemade toys, she had been a very lonely child. 

Cassian didn’t like to speak of an after, a lump forming in his throat every time he made an attempt. It wasn’t as though he didn’t want a future - especially one with Jyn - it was that he didn’t want to make promises that he couldn’t be sure that he would be able to keep. The galaxy was such an uncertain place, after all, especially in a time of war. Even so, he wanted it with her - a life, a future, and whatever came along with it. 

Even so, it had been the shock of a lifetime when Jyn had unexpectedly burst into his quarters startling him from the stretches he’d been given in order to keep the muscles of his back loose. Cassian tumbled to the floor with a grunt and looked up at Jyn through confused eyes. 

“What’s wrong?”, he had asked, taking in the sight of the way her brows knitted together worriedly, the way she nibbled her bottom lip nervously, the way she seemed to curl in on herself as she kept near the door instead of sitting on the bunk near Cassian. 

Of all the things he might have expected to hear, the words ‘I’m pregnant’ were so far out of the realm of possibility that Cassian wondered - momentarily - if he had somehow misheard them. 

But as Jyn sat heavily by his side and reiterated the statement - actually apologized for the apparent failure of her contraceptive implant - the realization settled in the pit of his belly. 

“It’s not your fault”, he had consoled gently, leaning over and ressing a kiss to the side of her head. And it wasn’t - obviously, his implant hadn’t been the most reliable, either. Maybe they should have been smarter and used more protection, but there was no turning back time now. 

It wasn’t the most opportune time, but Cassian wasn’t sure if there was such a thing as ‘perfect’ in the world that they were living in. 

After some long, difficult conversations where they weighed the pros and cons of starting a family in such an uncertain, d,angerous time, and the decision was finally made that neither could go through with termination. Cassian felt selfish, for sure, but he did want to keep the baby - their baby - and he did want to start a family of his own, to attempt to make their way in a brand-new situation that neither felt truly prepared for. It was a terrifying prospect, but he had meant it every single time he had pulled her close and murmured that whatever came their way, they would face it head on, together. 

It was going to be worth it, Cassian told himself as he tendered his resignation (with the caveat that if he was ever needed, truly needed, he could be called back to duty), accepting a meager amount of credits for years of loyal service to start a life away from the only home he had ever really known. 

It was a mantra that Cassian found himself repeating often as the months stretched out in front of he and Jyn as they navigated their new lives. 

He couldn’t help thinking it after long days spent working to renovate their new home on the banks of a tranquil lake on a lightly populated Mid Rim planet that seemed very far away from the strife caused by war. How could he feel anything but happy when he caught sight of Jyn, face tilted up to enjoy the last rays of the late afternoon sunlight, looking as free of worry as he had ever seen her? 

He silently reminded himself of that fact every late night that he found himself sitting with Jyn in the ‘fresher and held her hair back and out of her face while she was sick and apologizing to him through agonized, panting breaths. He couldn’t stand to see Jyn hurting, but he could do nothing to take away her pain. He tried, though, to soothe her as best he could. 

The belief was only bolstered the first time they visited the capital’s main med-center and he saw their baby’s image on screen for the very first time - a living, breathing being that was half of Jyn and half of him, and he found himself overcome by emotion as he held on tightly to her hand and tried to discern if the baby looked more like their mother or father. 

Cassian tried to trust in his mantra as he worked on the solar panels that provided their comfortable little house power, certain that Jyn wanted nothing to do with him after the blow-up they had just had. He was a logical, pragmatic man, and had done his fair share of research, he knew that Jyn was being overwhelmed by hormones and conflicting emotions, but it had felt - really and truly felt that he erred in a way that couldn’t be easily fixed 

So he kept to himself and lost himself in the work until he felt that he was no longer alone, and turned around to find Jyn standing and watching him quietly. Before he could apologize for being overprotective and perhaps a little overbearing, she beat him to it, and Cassian found himself descending the ladder as quickly and safely as he could so that he could wrap Jyn in his arms and reassure her that he hadn’t taken offense to her outburst. 

He knew how capable she was, even pregnant. And he knew that she would never put herself or the baby in danger - that he needed to trust herto know when to ask for assitance, when too much was too much. 

It was worth it, he thought, in the quiet moments when they rested in their bed, when his fingers drifted across her belly, only stilling when the baby kicked, and he laughed softly in response, kissing the spot and quietly chiding the baby to leave its mama be. 

He relished those moments the most - relaxing and resting together in ways they had never really had the opportunity to before, speaking in hushed whispers to her stomach, sharing with the baby all of his hopes and dreams for the three of them as a family. 

There were good times and bad times, laughter and tears, and most of the time, Cassian didn’t have the slightest clue when it came to being a father, living a life where he wasn’t sure that death was waiting for him around every corner At least he wasn’t alone in it. At least he had Jyn. 

And he could, at the very least, reassure her when she worried about the very same things. This was the right decision for them, and the good, the bad, the inbetweens, they were all going to be worth it in the end. 

He didn’t truly believe in it, though, until the day he was holding a tiny, red-faced, wailing infant in his arms, and trying to shush her by reassuring her that although the world was a big and scary place, especially for someone so small, her mama and her papa would always be there to help her through, would never let anything hurt her. 

Cassian still had no idea what he thought he was doing being a parent, but as he showed Jyn their healthy, angry baby, he was certain that this - this right here - was exactly what they’d been fighting so hard to save. 

Every step along the way had brought them here, and he knew that it was exactly where he was supposed to be. And whatever came their way, the three of them, they would perservere. 

It had all been worth it in the end.


End file.
